Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
