I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
