Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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