WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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