i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
from now on my penis is your penis
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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