Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
