i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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