Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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