i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
