you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
