well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize