Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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