Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
