Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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