found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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