so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
