just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
