i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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