Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
