I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
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This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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