Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
