jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Shame is for Republicans.
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