i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
