seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
