He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch