literally had 100 drinks last night.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.