My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this boner is exhausting
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
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The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.