she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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