is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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