I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
