i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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