Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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