You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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