I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
