I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
