did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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