I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
