My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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