i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
