we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
