he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
