took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
