my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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