...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
