Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
