So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
