two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
