Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
