She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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