Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
