Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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