I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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