my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, beer. Big fan.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
