I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
