vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
