I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
