i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
