I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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