We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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