So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
birth control should be required to get into college
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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