Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
