Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
