I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
