this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
