I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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