if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
