apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
