I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
