thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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