By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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