It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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